


Vampire Garage Sale

by ALWolfe



Category: N/A - Fandom
Genre: Short Story, vampire, vampire fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:14:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28951017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALWolfe/pseuds/ALWolfe
Summary: A girl stumbles upon a vampire doing a garage sale... because apparently he doesn’t have the need to hide the fact that he’s a vampire.





	1. Chapter 1

It all made sense a million years ago when no one questioned anything and accepted everything they saw. But when the questions arose and when the answers proved insufficient everything became questionable and nothing became believable.

When reality broke no one knew where to run, where to flee. So everyone remained rooted to the spot questioning everything: the meaning of life. What is a man? What is justice? Always accepting the lack of an answer. Never once questioning why they never stopped asking questions no one could possibly hope to answer.

Elvira hated believing nothing had an answer. To her everything had an explanation. Science was behind the great beyond. Behind every great fear was a perfectly reasonable fluke backed by reason and science. But of course, when fear rises we all forget reason and science; our minds instantly regressing to the Stone Age. Back to when men hunted witches for sport and killed innocents thereafter. Back to when the human mind easily accepted what it couldn’t understand via odd superstitions and epic legends.

So how was Elvira supposed to explain this one?

A vampire was holding a freaking garage sale and he wasn’t even trying to hide it. So why wasn’t anyone freaking out about it?

The vampire guy was walking around wearing a whole Dracula costume, cape and all. Even his hair was slicked back allowing for his white hair to show at the sides as a few strands dared to curl out of place. His fangs were out at all times, gleaming whenever he either smiled or spoke as if he had no real need to hide them. His nails were long and sharp looking, though he often showed care when dealing with people so as to not to cut them by accident. He looked to be around his late twenties and early thirties though he carried himself with as much energy as an overactive child on a sugar rush could hope to bother. 

Being new to town Elvira had no idea what to expect when she first saw the garage sale signs. Well, she did expect a garage sale—that much was for sure. So she followed the signs hoping to find something interesting. And boy did she find it.

the signs guided her straight to a cul-de-sac neighborhood, as suburban as could be, save for the one gigantic Victorian era, two story house at the center of it all. It was a rather narrow looking house, painted a forest green with white borders. It had an impossible amount of windows as well as a widow’s walk. Not to mention the roof shingles were a dark blue tone. A white picket fence surrounded the house and its freshly cut lawns as well as its many flower beds. Though at current an insane amount of foldable white tables littered the front lawn, sporting all kinds of odd artifacts. Some of which, appeared to be cursed.

Ever the curious one, Elvira quickly found a parking spot and jumped out of her car before rushing over. After all, there’s no way an actual vampire would go out in broad moonlight selling ancient artifacts when he could easily auction them off at eBay and become rich over night. Even so there’s no way he’d be an actual vampire. A vampire fanatic? Maybe.

“What are these?” She’d heard an elderly woman ask him as she pointed to a jar of blinking eyeballs sitting on one of his many foldable tables.

“Ah, these?” Said the creature as he held out the jar before him. “These are the eyes of my enemies.”

“Oooh, enemies?”

He nodded. “You know, being alive for five hundred years doesn’t come cheap.”

“I see.” She nodded to herself. “They’re very well preserved.”

“I cast a time stopping spell on ‘em.” He grinned proudly. “And also formalin.”

“You know my grand daughter has been so caught up in the macabre lately, she’d absolutely love ‘em. So how much?”

He examined the jar once more as if weighting out the price before looking back at her, grinning. “Fifty cents.”

“Twenty-five!”

“Fifteen!”

“Ten!”

“Deal!” He handed her the jar as she handed him the dime. “By the way, those eyes aren’t alive or anything; so they can’t see or anything. In case you were wondering.”

The lady nodded and went on her merry way as Elvira quickly made her way over, catching his attention as she placed an ancient looking volume before him.

“I see you’re a fan of...” He stared up at her. “Philosophy.”

“No. I hate philosophy.”

“Then what’s this doing in your hands?”

She stared down at the volume and shrugged. “It’s in Greek how was I supposed to know what it was?”

“Fair point.” He grinned. “So are you looking to make your office appear more aesthetically pleasing?”

“Nope.” 

“Ah, you were seeking an ice-breaker then?”

Nodding she picked out a wooden cross with a golden insignia lying on the table. “So why did you let her buy that jar for a dime?”

“I’m moving out.” He said, his grin fading slightly. “I need to clear out a few things so... I don’t really care how cheaply I sell ‘em off for.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” She stared the crucifix in her hand and gave him a look. “Do these hurt you, by the way?”

“Only when I need to give people a sense of safety regarding myself.”

So they don’t, she mused, because he’s not a freaking vampire. That’s why.  
“I see.” She set it down. “Is that a costume or are you really a... y’know.”

“Yes. I’m a vampire.” He grinned once again. “I’m surprised you didn’t know. Practically everyone in this town knows.”

“So I see.” She grinned back as she then checked out a box of jewels. “Did it take them long to accept you? Or... ?”

“I’ve lived in this town for two hundred and fifty years. I didn’t see a good reason to hide it so I’ve been the resident vampire for as long as the townspeople can bother to remember.”

“And no one’s tried to burn your house down or put a stake in your heart?”

“I mean, initially they weren’t very welcoming but upon seeing that I meant no harm they eventually decided to get over it.”

So they realized he’s a lunatic, she thought, alright-y.

“That sounds... great.”

“It is.”

“You have a nice house, by the way.”

“Thank you.” He peered at the box she was currently focused on. “Those jewels belonged to a good friend of mine.”

“Were they royalty?”

“She’s still the vampire queen as far as I’m concerned.”

Her brows shot up as she stared up at him. “No way.”

“Yes way.”

“Is it weird I want it more now?” Before he could answer she asked: “How much?”

“Consider it my welcoming gift to you.”

She picked up the box and closed it before tucking it into her arm as she commented: “I get the feeling you make horrible financial decisions often.”

“So I’ve been told.”

Upon realizing that she was feeding into this man’s delusions she paused halfway through a smile and asked. “By the way.... Are you really a real vampire or are you someone who just really likes vampires?”

“I’m afraid a vampire fanatic would find your question offensive.” His smile didn’t falter. “Though I doubt you’d believe me if I were to merely say I’m a vampire.” 

“You knew I was just playing along?”

He nodded. “Telepathy is one of my many gifts.”

“Ok” she looked up at him. “So if you wanted to, how would you convince a skeptic like me?”

“Like this.”

He disappeared leaving behind a column of thick smoke that smelled oddly of sulfur. In the midst of all that smoke was a bat. It was absolutely enormous and had wings that could easily envelop a human being in one go. Said wings dispersed the smoke as the bat then screeched, further capturing her attention as it then shot up and flew skyward leaving behind the garage sale.

A group of college students saw the spectacle and began to cheer, jumping as they waved frantically at the flying vampire, shouting:

“Dave! Dave! Dave!”


	2. Chapter 2

“You came.”

Two words, one emotion: surprise. That’s what greeted Dave as he rounded the corner and sat on the red booth as he took a glass from a passing waitress’s platter and sniffed its contents. Judging if the blood within it was fresh enough to swallow. His countenance, usually so warm and friendly to any mortal who crossed his path was now icy and distant. Borderline intimidating. 

“They tore me out of heaven and you expect my absence in Hell?”

Caroline, who sat opposite him, grinned leaning back against the booth as her lower black lip grazed the edge of the glass. She wore her hair long and straight while her bangs curtained over her paper thin pencil brows. She wore a black silk dress and golden bracelets as well as overly long black nails. She looked like what one would normally expect a vampires to look like, all the way down to the black stilettos. 

“What are you whining about? You were nothing more than a tourist attraction anyway.”

“I liked the attention.” He took a sip. 

“You’re a Leo, it’s in your nature darling.”

“Leo sun, Gemini rising, and Sagittarius moon.” Olivia chimed in. “The gods all but created a full tilt diva.”

“They sure knew what they were doing.” Dave grinned as he set down his empty glass.

“Do either of you two know why we were summoned?” Caroline asked.

“Well given how we’re in the only vampire friendly diner in the west coast,” Dave gestured at a nearby waiter for another glass. “—as well as the fact that this place is infested with bloodsuckers... I’d say the high council has something to whine about.”

Caroline sized him up, taking his outfit into account. He wore a black cape, white button up shirt, and black slacks as well as slicked back hair. As if to make his attire seem much more fictional, his fangs were all out. The man looked like an Amazon model wearing a vampire costume. 

“You sure love to diss your own kind for someone who dresses like an overgrown trick-or-treater.”

He turned around and grinned at her, also sizing up her attire. Blonde curly hair that barely reached past her ears. Absolutely no makeup save for a light blush and lip-gloss. Overly large pendant earrings and thick rings on every other finger. Each of her nails was a different pastel color. A mustard turtle-neck and a long flowing brown skirt as well as sneakers. She looked like an Art teacher, specifically a millennial art teacher clinging on to buzzfeed zodiac sign quizzes lest she finds herself feeling like an average mortal with nothing special to offer. 

Hoping to spare her feelings he found himself saying: “I do it for the attention.”

“Well it’s working,” stated Olivia. “You’ve ruffled some feathers.”

It was true. The moment he walked into the diner every single vampire stopped dead on their tracks and glared at him, letting their offense known. Not that he appeared to care as he continued on past fully ignoring them, heading straight to his estranged sisters. Even now, several overly sensitive vampires kept glaring at him. 

“They’re ridiculous for taking their vampiric identity so seriously.” He spoke loud enough to be heard. “It’s not a culture, race, or ethnicity.”

“But it is an identifier,” Olivia countered. “Sometimes people take pride in those things.”

“An identifier of our inhumanity isn’t something we should cherish.” He sighed. “They just like being vampires because it makes them feel special.”

“Come again?” 

He turned to look over his shoulder and saw the biggest man he’d ever seen in his life. He was all muscle, all beard, and no hair. Just like those background characters in action movies whose sole purpose is to pick a fight with the main guy in order to make him look good. Either that or Dave had seen one too many movies. But then again the guy was also wearing a leather vest, sleeve tattoos, and he had the vibe down pat. Was it really Dave’s fault he found this guy’s entire persona so cliche? Was it really?

The entire diner grew silent until he spoke:

“You like being vampires because it makes you feel special? Is that what you wanted me to repeat?”

Olivia quirked a brow and took a sip as she exchanged a glance with her sister who was also taking a sip.

“That’s some funny thing to say for someone who made a name for himself as a vampire! You even dress like one!”

“I do it for the mortals to find me silly, weird, and unthreatening.” He got to his feet. “Not because I find pride in being a walking parasite.”

Caroline dragged Olivia out of the booth and together they went on to observe from a safe distance.

“If you really hated being a vampire why did you become one?”

Instead of answering his question Dave grabbed him by the throat, dragged him about as he spun around and slammed him onto the table. Flaying desperately, the man’s hand took a hold of Dave’s abandoned glass and smashed onto his head. Only it had little to no effect save for ruining his perfectly styled hair and drenching his face in blood as he consequently licked his lips. He then tried to punch his face only to realize that that also had no effect.

“Done?” 

He didn’t give him a chance to reply before sinking his fangs into the nape of his neck, proceeding to drain him, much to the horror of his fellow vampires.

One of the main reason nobody confronted him upon his insulting entrance was because Dave was one of the few vampires powerful enough to feed on their own kind without any biological repercussions. And Dave was not afraid to prove it once provoked. The vampire who confronted him must’ve been newly turned therefore ignorant of the pecking order and the dangers lying dormant within the vampiric society he used to be in. 

Once he was sure he had fully drained him, thus ending his life, Dave rose and used his cloak to wipe the blood from his face before going on to re-style his hair only to realize it was a lost cause. So now, half of his head was perfectly styled while the other half had loosened curls being dragged down by the blood the continued dripping onto his left shoulder.

Noticing that the silence remained, longer than expected, he looked up in time to see that the council members had finally entered. Three in total, all of which dressed in pure white and pastel blue hues.

One of them was a woman, tall, languid, sickly-looking, and platinum blonde. Her name was Lola. The other, a short man with broad shoulders, chicken-pox scars all over his skin, and a dark brown toupee atop his bald head. His name was Owen. And the third was a man of average height and though he appeared obese he had a great amount of musculature. He sported a braided beard and a seeming less endless array of runes tattooed onto his skin. What those runes meant nobody but him knew. His name was Anthony. 

Much like Dave, these three were also fully capable of overtaking a fellow vampire without struggle.

“I see we’ve disrupted a meal.” Anthony stated. 

“Week old blood isn’t as satisfying to me as fresh blood is.” Dave offered by means of explanation.

“One mustn’t be too demanding lest he wishes for early disappointment.” Lola chided.

“Will you tell us why we’ve been summoned here?” Asked a woman out back. “What long term emergency are we dealing with for us all to become homeless overnight?”

“Well it is something quite serious.” She offered.

“Apocalyptically serious?” Caroline asked from behind Dave.

“I fear so.”

“Then tell us.” Dave yanked off his cloak and tossed it atop the corpse beside him, tired of looking at it for overlong.

Lola looked to Owen for help. Seeing as he’s the best communicator out of the three it made sense for her to do so. Which meant that the news was so dire it needed to be delivered gently.

He stepped forth, clasping his hands before him. “We have reason to believe that a rouge former member of the eastern coven has cursed us all.”

“So what? We’ve been through this before,” said Olivia. “The curse dies once the caster dies. We’ll just outlive it again.”

“I fear that’s not the case this time.”

“Oh?” She set down her glass on the counter beside her. “Do tell.”

He nodded to himself. “This time we are dealing with a death curse.... The death curse cast upon our kind was powerful enough to strip us of our immortality.”

A collective gasp resounded throughout the diner. A waiter was so caught off guard by the news that they dropped their tray, allowing for their glasses to shatter on the checkered floor as blood splattered everywhere. 

“If the western coven’s information is reliable, we have less than a week to live.” He continued. “This rogue has consumed their brethren’s power prior to eradicating their entire coven and casting this curse upon us. Now, there are rumors that this same witch is planning to cast a powerful necromancy spell. And if successful, this person may as well forge an undead army well within the billions. It is unclear what they are planning to do with this much power but it is pretty obvious they are up to no good.”

“So you want us to find this person within a week?” Asked Dave.

“That would be a great help, yes.” He sighed. “But what I called you all out here for is not that.”

“What then?”

“This witch is a powerful being.” Lola locked the door behind her. “None of you lot are capable of overtaking them, not even combined.”

Fully understanding the situation Dave took a step back, shielding his confused sisters.

“We didn’t summon you because we needed your help.” Anthony said. “We just need your nutrients.”


End file.
